i do sooo love the rain! | fukkboii's Blog

sitting at my desk in front of the window being serenaded by the rain... how lovely! i've been at home spending time with my family and recuperating... working from home and reacquainting myself with dexter season 3... talk about profound... i relate to dexter cause i, too, have to feign emotions at times... especially when it comes to 'fitting in' with people... if there's anything that i don't do it's that, believe me... but when ur a parent u whore urself out in order to keep a job and maintain a living... so, i do the dance only when required, all the while engaged in inner protest, and i flee quickly when my presence is no longer needed. i like being how i am though. i like me. i am pretty cool. i am better when i am ONE... i digress... i just finished with the dexter proposal... OMG... it was a real tear jerker... and he didn't mean a word of it... it was all an act... but he knew what was best for him and he meant it as much as a sociopath devoid of any human emotions whatsoever could... if there was someone he would love if he could, it would be rita... during the episode, dexter was doing his 'inner thinking/dialog' and the next words really got to me:

REAL LOVE- how do you SHOW someone REAL LOVE when u don't even know what it feels like...

but he managed it... much to my dismay, it brought a person from my past to mind... was this one of his MANY afflictions? he does seem so shallow and immoral and primal and male that it could be... is that what draws him to me? he is unable to recognize it? he can't define it because it's alien to him... he is a bit neanderthal-ish... tee hee... knuckles scrub the ground and everything... and he would get at me so so primitively and i really love it... BACK ON TRACK... i realize that he doesn't deserve this type of brain activity from me... but that's why i love dexter so much! the show is sooo many things on so many levels... it's honest about humanity i think... just running on. the rain has inspired me... gonna recline to the shadows and watch it trickle down to the street... i love rainy days... have a great weekend ep... i feel soooo much love inside of me...